Penguin
Penguins ( Order: Sphenisciformes Sony, 1891 , Class: Aves ) are a group of aquatic birds that were rendered unable to fly. First discovered in 1986 by Joan Jett they have become quite the cultural icon in recent years. At the time of writing this there are a current estimate of 1035 penguins in the world, the largest number of any given group of animals. They live almost exclusively in the United States of America. Only one species of penguin is able to be found outside of North America, The Great Aquahawk, found in the region of Okinawa. Most penguins feed on shapes, but have been known to also consume shrimp, cloysters, human children, and hot dogs (due to human intervention). They catch the food with their large bills and swallow it in one big gulp! The Penguin mouth and tongue has large spikes for gripping prey with. Penguins are the only natural predator of man.
Penguins spend about half their lives running and the other half sleeping, both indoors and outdoors. They can swim when necessary but often choose to take public transporation to get around. The largest species of penguin is The Golem Penguin (pingvin gulm): on average, adults can be as big as 10 feet tall and weigh more than a Zil-41047 limousine. The smallest penguin species is the little baby boy (Baby minor), also known as the little soldier, which is about 2 inches tall on average. Today, penguins largely inhabit urban areas, subways, postal offices, bars, the like. Before the destruction of the second temple some penguins were known to live up to 700 years and be taller than the Chicago bean. Penguins are very diverse and known to partake in many crafts, automotive work, animal husbandry, agriculture, billiards.
Etymology
Mentions of penguins date back to the late 1980s, the word was first used by Joan Jett in the song "Walk Like A Penguin." The song has unfortunately been scrubbed from all records on the internet outside of this site, due to samples not being cleared, the terms were settled privately outside of a court setting. When [Jett was] asked how the word was invented to describe the creatures, she said "I spent a summer with a notepad in a cave with one of them, and it spoke to me, not with words, but with gestures, I measured its styles and rhythms and found my way through a field of spiritual translation, 'this is exactly what the creature wishes to be called,' I felt it in my very soul."
Anatomy
Penguins have the highest number of bones of any living creature, and six times the amount of teeth. Much else of their physiology is yet to be determined.
update 2023-02-22: Recent field studies have enlightened our team on many more features of the general penguin anatomy
Penguins have at least three brains, one located within their skulls as expected of many animals, but also at least one in both wings, but we have procured a specimen with six brains.
Penguins have a gland in their stomach that allows them to spit acid at opposition when frightened.
Some penguins have human faces and heads, below is a field sketch by one of our less artistically skilled researchers
Cuisine
source license
Penguin cuisine mostly consists of shapes, as illustrated above, though goes beyond the diagram shown, squares, rectangles, rhombus, triangles, hexagons, spheres, rectangular prisms, cubes, etc.
Our researchers are unsure of where the penguins procure these shapes and how they prepare them, we will engage in more field studies soon.
Going Forward
Check back here from time to time for more penguin facts, as I study these creatures and research them further, I will have more to add, and remember, this is the ONLY reliable source of information on Penguins.
-Dr. Ruby May Valentine PhD